Rudeness Vs. Boundaries: Playing the victim card.

I was talking to a friend, about how she got rejected by a guy he met on Tinder because she was on the heavy side. Just like any other girl, of course she got upset about it, we have to talk for hours over the phone, even zoom calls. This is the first time she's ever been dumped, so I guess that really affected her, and started to throw the guy under the bus! Oh well, we can't stop people from venting out can we?

Then earlier today I was going through some tweets about a gay guy who was blocked by another gay guy from a dating app because, you guessed it, he's chubby, but a cute chubby gay guy! So he was upset and venting it out on Twitter (now "X").

Then out of nowhere a profile asked the gay guy "why he's fat".

Of course the entire gay community ganged up on him! He received a lot of flak! The funny thing is that... this is the same community that set up these dating standards!

In every aspect of life, when you know what you want, you just go for it. Now let me throw a question... Is it bad to stand your ground? Is it rude to tell someone they are not their type because they do not fit the bill? You didn't pass your job interview because you don't match the profile needed? Is that arrogance? Bigotry?

Are you going to let go of your standards just to win society's praise?

Me personally, NO. Saying "yes" even if it is a clear "no", is CRUEL!

I have been a recipient of harsh criticisms in the past, me not looking well dressed, too thin, too poor haha! There is a point in your life that you simply accept things as they are and look at ways on how you can change it. So if you cannot sell yourself out there, do you switch markets or do you make changes?

So today, I am sharing with you how to cope up with harsh criticism or rejection from work, life and who knows where...

1. Start accepting the fact that you cannot please everyone.

I think this is self explanatory, people will always have something to say. People will always have something not to like about you. It's fact. Live with it!

2. Start accepting and discovering who you are.

This maybe a tough cookie to chew, but, we all have insecurities, maybe physical, cerebral or emotional (wounds left from past experiences). But embracing them, acknowledging them and discovering how to live with your insecurities, could really help manage how you react to rejections.

3. Start thinking about what you can do to improve yourself.

Uncover new talents and improve it. Also, instead of gaslighting people into thinking they are bigots, maybe start thinking where they are coming from. Start thinking how do you become part of their world, and make improvements in your character and physical appearance.

4. Start looking a niche for yourself.

Instead of getting stuck with the same crowd that offers you no self worth, I am telling you, there are untapped people around you who want to be graced by your presence, sometimes you don't even have to change yourself. It is so important to find a tribe where you can thrive.

And the most important advice:

5. Stop playing the victim card.

A willing victim chooses to be one. If you continue to stay in a network of people who do not appreciate you, and if you are not willing to change yourself, then you become a willing "victim". If you truly love yourself, please make a decision not to fall prey.

Don't force something that is not you! And never gaslight other people into thinking that these people are rude, when in fact they are simply holding their ground, while you on the other hand embrace the norm these people have created.

Let me make it clear, people who are standing firmly their ground are just protecting their personal space and mental wellbeing too, it becomes rude when there is a breakdown on how it is communicated.

At a time where mental health is so talked about, one's lack of adversarial quotient and emotional quotient leads to gaslighting. Everything you need to be happy is inside you, you decide, so now stop playing victim.

Sending tough love,

Tito Gary xxx

Location: Poro Point, La Union (Credits: Ivan Mendoza)